Is it ever okay to make moves on a bridesmaid or groomsman? Professional bridesmaid Jen Glantz breaks down how to save yourself from… yourself.
There are some wedding-related rules that can’t be broken. Take wedding attire, for example. Even if you feel funky wearing a bowtie or haven’t ever worn cufflinks before, you know that if it’s part of the wedding dress code, you’ll do what you have to do to make it happen. Or the bachelor party. Even if you’ve been to Vegas eight times this year, you’ll still party it up like it’s your first time, all in the name of your friend who has bestowed you the honor of standing by his side through the wedding chaos. It’s the rule.
But as we all know, some rules aren’t quite as clear or easy to follow. Thinking about taking a chance on that bridesmaid or groomsman you’ve been vibing with? Some people will tell you straight up, “Man, just don’t do it.” (Sound advice.) It can be awkward when a wedding party hookup turns hostile and adds drama to the wedding. If you choose to ignore that advice and get down and dirty with a fellow attendent, know these four things before you walk your dress shoes across that line.
1. Run It By the Couple
Give a courtesy call to the soon-to-be married couple and ask if they’re cool with your (possibly futile) attempt to hook up with someone in the wedding party. I know, I know. You feel that as a grown adult you should be able to enjoy consensual romance as you please. But for the sake of avoiding extra wedding drama, save the eye rolls and ask. If you’ve already done the deed, either skip out on kissing and telling so your hook up session isn’t the talk of the wedding (preferred, gentlemen), or confess to the couple so they hear it from you before the rumors spread.
2. Set Expectations
The wedding party gets super tight with each other throughout the wedding adventure. You’re going to see your potential paramour many times after you hook up, especially if it happens before the wedding. Have a brief, direct conversation with him or her about each of your expectations, so you can keep things drama free and don’t have to worry about getting tripped as you walk down the aisle, all in the name of a dalliance gone wrong.
3. Control Yourself
Never hook up with more than one member of the wedding party. Never. Honestly, if you think this will be such a big problem, you might be a little… er, overconfident. Still, the last thing you want to do is be the wedding party home-wrecker, so control yourself.
4. Do It For the Right Reasons
Maybe you’re lonely. Maybe you’re trying to prove something to yourself. Whatever your deal is, if you don’t genuinely feel a connection, don’t do it. There’s a nudge of extra chaos that comes with an intra-wedding party hookup before the ceremony, especially if it gets messy. If you can hold off until after the wedding, do that. But if it just can’t wait, at least make sure you’re taking that risk for the right reasons.
Jen Glantz is founder of Bridesmaid for Hire and author of the Amazon best-selling books All My Friends are Engaged and Always a Bridesmaid for Hire.